Posts tagged char-larry-the-cucumber

ARCHIBALD
One day while he was waiting for the trolley, he had a hat

LARRY
my high silk hat

ARCHIBALD
He wore it high upon his head so proudly, a beautiful hat

LARRY
my high silk hat

ARCHIBALD
A hat like this just makes him feel so grandly, now fancy this, and fancy that
The splendor of his hat in all its majesty

LARRY
like a king, in a royal cap
I feel so swell and handsome in my hat, I bet that others wish they had in fact

LARRY & ARCHIBALD
A hat as this, a hat as that, a hat so fine, a high silk hat

LARRY
Oh Mr. Art Bigotti, now what do you think of that?.

ARCHIBALD
Now his hat was not all he wore so proudly, I must in fact, share more than that,
For upon my lap there sat a treat so fondly, of chocolate this

LARRY
and chocolate that

ARCHIBALD
Deliciousness that makes me feel so dandy, a chocolate bliss

LARRY
a chocolate snack

CHOIR
Confections such as these are more than candy, somewhat like life, a box of that

LARRY
I have my chocolate placed upon my lap, I feel so good you just cannot top that,

LARRY & ARCHIBALD
I have my snack, a chocolate pack, of chocolate this and chocolate that

LARRY
Oh golly Mr. Nezzer, now what do you think of that?

ARCHIBALD
Now time was passing and the sun grew hotter, upon his hat

CHOIR
and chocolate snack

ARCHIBALD
So beneath his hat he thought and pondered.

LARRY
what should I do, to save my hat?

ARCHIBALD
He thought, and contemplated as he perspired, beneath his hat

CHOIR
upon his lap

ARCHIBALD
He feared his chocolate treats would soon retire, into a pool

CHOIR
a chocolate vat

LARRY & CHOIR
I won’t feel grand if I take off my hat,
the suns getting hot and my hat just might go flat.
My hat, it might go flat, and my sweets will melt like that…

LARRY
Oh hurry Mr. Trolley before my dapperness goes flat

ARCHIBALD
He surrendered to forego his suavemente, to save his hat

JEAN CLAUDE
and little snack

ARCHIBALD
So he placed the treats upon the seat beside him

NEZZER
and placed his hat on top of that

LARRY
Oh please,

CHOIR
Oh please Oh please

LARRY
don’t anybody, sit close to me, upon my hat I ask, if all of you could be so kindly, and just stand back, away from my snack!

A great big squash just sat upon my hat, a great big squash just squished my hat real flat
He squashed my hat, he made it flat, he squished my snack, oh what of that
Oh tell me anybody now what do you think of that?

CROWD & CHOIR
A great big squash just sat upon his hat, a great big enormous squash squished his hat real flat He squashed his hat, he made it flat, he squished his snack, oh what of that

LARRY
Oh golly,
uh…what is your name?

SCALLION #1
I don’t know, they’ve never given me a name.
I have been around since show one and I still do not have a name.

LARRY
Now what do you think of that!

Words by Marc Vulcano

THREE SCALLIONS, FRANKENCELERY (QUARTET):
There lived a man so long ago, his memory’s but faint
Was not admired, did not inspire like president or saint
But people came from far and near with their afflicted pets
For a special cure they knew for sure wouldn’t come from other vets!
Woooahhh …

LARRY THE CUCUMBER:
This is a song for your poor, sick penguin
He’s got a fever and his toes are blue
But if I sing to your poor, sick penguin
He will feel better in a day or two!
Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hoo
Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-eee-ooo
Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hoo
Yada-yada yada-yada yad-eee-ooo!

PA GRAPE:
He’s gone a little loopy,
In case you haven’t heard.
Here’s a couple’ pennicilin
For your sicky, arctic bird.

QUARTET:
No skeptic could explain just how, nor could one oft rebut,
The wonderous deeds that went on in that little Alpine hut.
Some would stand in silence while some just scratched their scalps
For the curious ways of the Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps.
Woooahhh …

PA GRAPE:
Good news on the penguin, doc! He’s up and kickin’!

LARRY:
This is a song for your pregnant kitty
She’s looking nauseous and a week past due
But if I sing for your pregnant kitty
She will feel better in a day or two!

Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hoo
Yodel-leh-hee yodel-ye-dee yodel-eee-ooo
Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-aye-hoo
Yada-yada yada-yada ya-ga-doo!

PA GRAPE:
Jump in your car, drive into the city,
Buy a jug of milk for your nauseated kitty.

QUARTET:
The practice grew, their profits flew until one fateful day,
When the nurse who did assist the doc asked for a raise in pay.
The doctor pondered this awhile, sat back and scratched his scalp, then said: ‘No way, Jose!’
To the nurse of the Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps.
Woooahhh …

PA GRAPE:
Good news on the kitty, doc! She’s feelin’ great. Six kittens. Named one after you.

LARRY:
This is a song for your bear-trapped teddy
He looks uncomfy, think I’d be too.
But if I sing for your bear-trapped teddy
He will feel better in a day or two!

Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hoo
Yodel-leh-hee O-layhee Oly-ooo
Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hoo
Yodel-leh-hee yaba-daba yaba-doo!

BEAR:
Grooooooowllll!

PA GRAPE:
Oh, yeah — that’ll work. He’s good.

LARRY:
Yodel-leh-hee! Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hoo!
No, wait! This should work!
Yodel-leh-hee! Yodel-leh-hoo yodel-leh-hoo!

QUARTET:
Now the moral of the story, it’s the point we hope we’ve made:
When you go a little loopy better keep your nurse well paid!

LARRY:
Yodel-leh-hee! Yodel-leh-hoo!
Yodel odle odle aye de aye de ooo-ooo-ooo!

QUARTET:
Woah! Some would stand in silence while some just scratched their scalps
For the curious ways of the Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps!

Words by Mike Nawrocki. Music by Mike Nawrocki and Kurt Heinecke.

NARRATOR:
It’s Christmas Eve, and Larry is anxiously awaiting the arrival of Santa Claus with a plate of cookies.

LARRY THE CUCUMBER:
Oh, Santa! I can’t wait for you to come, I just can’t wait for you to come, and I’ve got cookies! Three yummy cookies! Just for you for when you come, only for you for when you come … because it’s Christmas!

[Knock-knock-knock]

LARRY:
Could that be Santa? Could that be him? Could it be the one who brings presents for a cucumber like me, a good cucumber like me?

NARRATOR:
Larry is surprised to be greeted not by Santa, but crafty bankrobber!

LARRY:
Who are you?

BANKROBBER (SCALLION #1):
I’m a bankrobber! And I’ve come to rob your bank, oh yes! I’ve come to rob your bank, and I’ve come to take your dimes and swipe your nickels. So stand back, step aside you silly pickle! And let me in!

NARRATOR:
Although frightened by the intruder, in the spirit of Christmas Larry makes an offering.

LARRY:
I’m not a banker … I have no bank my robbing friend, but I have cookies — three yummy cookies. And I don’t have nickels, but please take this my robbing friend. Eat one of these my robbing friend! They are for Santa, but you may have one.

NARRATOR:
The bankrobber is truly touched by Larry’s good will. But Larry, although momentarily distracted, is still excited about seeing Santa.

LARRY:
Oh, Santa! I can’t wait for you to come, I just can’t wait for you to come, and I’ve got cookies! Two yummy cookies! Just for you for when you come, only for you for when you come … because it’s Christmas!

BANKROBBER:
(Simultaneously) I’m a robber! I came to rob your bank, oh yes! I came to rob your bank … you shared a cookie — a yummy cookie. Though I’d love to take your dimes, perhaps another time — because it’s Christmas!

[Knock, knock, knock]

LARRY:
Could that be Santa? Could that be him? Could it be the one who brings presents for a cucumber like me, a good cucumber like me?

NARRATOR:
Once again, it is not Santa who has come to Larry’s door, but this time a savage Norseman.

LARRY:
Who are you?

VIKING (PA GRAPE):
I’m a Viking! And I’ve come to take your land, oh yes! I’ve come to take your land, and I’ve come to burn your crops and steal your horses. And I’ve come to … step on your chickens! And soil your quilts!

NARRATOR:
Although frightened by the intruder, in the spirit of Christmas Larry makes an offering.

LARRY:
I don’t have land … I don’t have crops, my Viking friend, but I have cookies — two yummy cookies. And I don’t have horses, but please take this my Viking friend. Eat one of these my Viking friend. They are for Santa, but you may have one.

NARRATOR:
The Viking is also touched by Larry’s good will. But Larry’s thoughts are still with Santa.

LARRY:
Oh, Santa! I can’t wait for you to come, I just can’t wait for you to come, I’ve got a cookie! A yummy cookie! Just for you for when you come, only for you for when you come … because it’s Christmas!

VIKING:
(Simultaneously) I’m a Viking! I came to take your land, oh yes! I came to take your land … you shared a cookie — a yummy cookie. Though I’d love to soil your quilts, I don’t think that I wilt … because it’s Christmas!

[Knock-knock-knock]

LARRY:
Could that be Santa? Could that be him? Could it be the one who brings presents for a cucumber like me, a good cucumber like me?

NARRATOR:
Larry is greeted now by an agent of the Internal Revenue Service.

LARRY:
Who are you?

IRS AGENT (THE PEACH):
I’m from the IRS! And I’ve come to tax your … [Door Slams]

LARRY:
Oh, Santa! I can’t wait for you to come, I just can’t wait for you to come … It’s finally Santa! It’s finally him! At last, the one who brings presents for a cucumber like me, a good cucumber like me!

SANTA (BOB THE TOMATO):
I’m Santa! And I’ve come to bring you gifts, oh yes! I’ve come to bring you gifts, and I’ve come to stuff your stockings — oh ho-ho-ho! And I’ve come to jiggle my belly. And wiggle my nose … Hey, wait a minute! Isn’t that my belt? And what are you doing with my hat? So you’re the ones!

BANKROBBER:
Wait a minute, I can explain!

VIKING:
We’ve changed!

SANTA:
Nobody messes with Santa! You know that don’t you!? You’ve been very naughty! And I’ve got a list!

IRS AGENT:
Did you claim that?

LARRY:
Merry … Christmas!

Words by Mike Nawrocki. Music by Mike Nawrocki and Phil Vischer.

NARRATOR:
Larry will be performing the traditional Argentinian ballad, “The Dance of the Cucumber,” in it’s original Spanish. Bob the Tomato will translate.

LARRY THE CUCUMBER:
Miren al pepino
BOB THE TOMATO:
Watch the cucumber

LARRY:
miren como se mueve
BOB:
see how he moves

LARRY:
como un leon
BOB:
like a lion

LARRY:
tras un raton.
BOB:
chasing a mouse.

LARRY:
Miren al pepino
BOB:
Watch the cucumber

LARRY:
sus suaves movimientos
BOB:
Oh, how smooth his motion

LARRY:
tal como mantequilla
BOB:
like butter

LARRY:
en un chango pelon.
BOB:
on a … bald monkey.

LARRY:
Miren al pepino
BOB:
Look at the cucumber

LARRY:
los vegetales
BOB:
all the vegetables

LARRY:
envidian a su amigo
BOB:
envy their friend

LARRY:
como el quieren bailar
BOB:
wishing to dance as he

LARRY:
Pepino bailarin, pepino bailarin, pepino bailarin
BOB:
Dancing cucumber, dancing cucumber, dancing cucumber

LARRY:
Baila, baila, ya!
BOB:
Dance, dance, yeah!

LARRY:
Miren al tomate
BOB:
Look at the tomato

LARRY:
¿no es triste?
BOB:
Isn’t it sad?

LARRY:
El no puede bailar.
BOB:
He can’t dance.

LARRY:
¡Pobre tomate!
BOB:
Poor tomato!

LARRY:
El desería poder bailar
BOB:
He wishes he could dance

LARRY:
Como el pepino
BOB:
like the cucumber

LARRY:
libre y suavemente.
BOB:
free and smooth.

LARRY:
Pero el no puede danzar.
BOB:
But he can’t … OK! Stop the music! What do ya mean I can’t dance? I can dance! What about Uncle Louie’s polka party? Didn’t you see me dancing at Uncle Louie’s polka party?

LARRY:
No comprendo.

BOB:
No comprendo? I’ll show you “No comprendo!”

JUNIOR ASPARAGUS:
Mom! Dad! Look over here! Get a picture of me next to the cucumber in authentic Argentinian garb!

DAD ASPARAGUS:
Okay, Junior. But we’d better hurry – I think the dwarves have your mother confused with someone else! Say ‘Peas!’

ALL:
Peas!

LARRY:
Escuchen al pepino
BOB:
Listen to the cucumber

LARRY:
oigan su voz fuerte
BOB:
hear his strong voice

LARRY:
como un leon
BOB:
like a lion

LARRY:
listo a devorar.
BOB:
about to eat.

LARRY:
Escuchen al pepino
BOB:
Listen to the cucumber

LARRY:
que dulce es su canto
BOB:
oh how sweet his voice

LARRY:
la voz de su garganta parece un trinar.
BOB:
the breath from his throat is like a chorus of little birdies.

LARRY:
Escuchen al pepino
BOB:
Listen to the cucumber

LARRY:
los vegetales
BOB:
all the vegetables

LARRY:
envidian a su amigo
BOB:
envy their friend

LARRY:
como el quieren cantar.
BOB:
wishing to sing as he.

LARRY:
Pepino cantador, pepino cantador, pepino cantador
BOB:
Singing cucumber, singing cucumber, singing cucumber

LARRY:
canta, canta, ya!
BOB:
sing, sing, yeah!

LARRY:
Escuchen al tomate
BOB:
Listen to the tomato

LARRY:
¿No es triste?
BOB:
Isn’t it sad?

LARRY:
El no puede cantar.
BOB:
He can’t sing.

LARRY:
Pobre tomate.
BOB:
Poor tomato.

LARRY:
El desería poder cantar
BOB:
He wishes he could sing

LARRY:
fuerte y dulce como el pepino
BOB:
strong and sweet like the cucumber

LARRY:
Pero no puede …
BOB:
But he can’t …

LARRY:
¡Ni siquiera da un silbido!
BOB:
Can’t even … whistle! All right! That’s it Senor! Come over here and let me sing YOU a song!

LARRY:
Adios, amigos!

NARRATOR:
This has been Silly Songs With Larry. Tune in next time to hear Larry sing …

LARRY:
Bob is really angry! I hope he doesn’t catch me! It’s so hard to run with this sombrero on my head!

Words and Music by Mike Nawrocki.